You have heard me, and other mystics, talk to you about the search for the Self. And it means just that. If you lost something that was of value to you, you would search for it. You would try to find it. You’d look here and there and everywhere. You’d look around your house. You’d look in your neighbor’s home. You’d call up your friends, and you’d look inside your own mind to try to remember where you put it or where you lost it. And you’d forget everything else while you were doing it. You wouldn’t have a mood or emotion. You wouldn’t have an ache or a pain. You wouldn’t have a hard feeling or resentment. You wouldn’t have a subconscious area of the mind that you were conscious of. You’d simply look, you’d simply search, for this article of value. §
Searching for Siva, the Self God, is done in the same way. Where is He? Where is God? Is it in my head? Is it in my nose? Is it in my little finger, my toe, my leg? Is it in meditation? Is it in contemplation? Where is it? Have that search, that unrelenting search. Get excited about it! Is it in the back of my neck? Some say it is in the lotus of the heart. Is it in the lotus of your heart? You have to look and try to find it! Search, look, hunt. §
Of course, you are in a dual state when you do this. You are in duality. It is you, the searcher, looking for that which you’re eventually going to find. That’s certainly not an advaitist state. It’s a dual state. But it’s a positive dual state, because if you’re not searching and you’re simply sitting waiting for it to come to you, or for you to automatically realize the Self without doing a thing about it, you’re still in a dual state. And you might philosophically be fully aware of all the implications of the advaitist path, of being that which you’re looking for already, but you haven’t found it. §
So, the mere fact that you’re in a dual state doing nothing indicates that you’re not going to find or realize the Self, because you’re doing nothing about it. The fact that you change that pattern and, in the dual state, begin to look for the Self, search for the Self, hunt for Siva within—timeless, causeless, formless—indicates that you’re putting an end fairly soon to that dualistic experience, and you’re going to become the true advaitist. §
When you lose something of value to you, something that you really love and you’re searching for it, and all of a sudden you put your hand on it and there it is, the search is ended! That which is lost, been lost, no longer exists as something that has been lost; the gap has been filled. §
When you find the Self, the search and that which has been searched for and found are one. The searcher and that which has been found are one. And the search—which is the power of that looking for—merges back into its very source. §
Don’t be content living in an instinctive area of the mind. Don’t be content living in the intellectual area of the mind all of the time. But you have to do sadhana. You have to do tapas, a certain amount of austerity. This gives the fuel! This mellows the entire nature so that everything begins to work. The darshan from the line of gurus begins to permeate you. It begins to work within you. The scriptures begin to come alive in you when you discipline yourself, when you discipline your moods, your emotions and allow yourself to be disciplined also by others without resentment; and to be able to say a quiet: “Thank you for helping me along the path by pointing out my faults to me.” This great, profound humility exists in the aspirant on the path. §
So, begin to look. Begin to search. And don’t be satisfied until you find Siva, the Self God, within you. And remember, whatever you think Siva is is where you are on the path. §
Have you ever heard that high-pitched tone that sounds like an “eeee” within your head? This comes after the kundalini force has been awakened to a certain degree. And when you sit in and are totally absorbed within that tone, this is called iikaif. And you begin to tune into the darshan of the great beings of this planet. The great Deities, the great Gods, the great devas of this planet, can penetrate a beautiful darshan through this high eeee tone. Sit and become fully absorbed within it. If you don’t hear that tone from time to time within you, this indicates just how far awareness—your individual awareness—is externalized in the outer layers of the mind. And it shows that you need to do sadhana, do tapas, do austerities, in order to break out of that externalized condition, break awareness out of that externalized condition so it can begin to flow within. §
The mere fact that you know where the Self isn’t indicates that a certain area of your awareness knows where it is. And that gives some confidence, doesn’t it? The mere fact that you know where the Self isn’t indicates that inwardly you really do know where it is.§
Siva, the Divine Dancer, may be hiding from you. Well, you can even realize the Self by worshiping Siva as a physical person. Then you begin to see Siva as an intellectual being who can do all sorts of many things, because He has a lot of arms and several heads, indicating the ability of an individual to do many things. And then you begin to worship Siva’s divine energy, His life force, and you realize that same life force going through you. And then you begin to turn inward and worship the life force within yourself. And you have to be very humble in order to worship. That’s why only Hindus can worship the Hindu way. Then you’re worshiping life force, pure consciousness, as Siva, God. §
Then you keep asking yourself: “Where does it come from? Where does it come from? Where is this pure consciousness, life force, where is it emanating out of?” And you keep looking, you keep looking. You know where it’s not, and inwardly you know where it is. But you have to have that urgency of the search. You can’t be content with finding the little things along the way on the path. §
